Raising Children The Easy Way
Raising a child is really not that hard. I know people often make it hard, but it doesn't have to be.

This week I heard a parent say something that reminded me of a woman I worked with years ago. She came to me for other problems, but since I realize that a person is a whole person and not a walking problem or two I asked about all of her life.
She had two children, a girl that was preschool age and a boy about 11 or 12 if I remember and he was her tormentor. They did nothing but fuss and argue, she thought he hated her, she wondered sometimes if she hated him (a hard confession for a mother) and the problems they had spilled over into her marriage and had almost driven her and her husband to divorce.

So what is the problem, I asked? He won't do anything I ask him to do, he makes a mess and leaves it for me to clean, he won't do his homework, he yells at me and his sister, it is terrible.

So why don't you do something about it?
She looked at me like I said, Why don't you go to Mars?
I have tried, she finally replied. I don't know what to do.
Well, that part is easy, he doesn't have a car does he?
No.
He doesn't have a job does he?
No.
He doesn't have an independent source of money does he?
No.
So he depends on you for just about everything?
I guess.
So why are you doing what he wants you to do if he won't do what you want him to do? I mean, what is he going to do if you stop driving him places, buying him things, washing his clothes, cooking his meals? I mean, you really have him over a barrel, don't you?
I don't think she would have looked anymore startled if a chicken had suddenly walked across the room wearing a hat and glasses.
I let it sink in, then said, "Pick three things you want him to do and let's see what we can come up with."
The three things were:
1. Clean his room.
2. Do his homework.
3. Come to the table for supper without a big fuss.
Sounded reasonable to me, I mowed the yard, set the table, did the dishes, cleaned the floor and did laundry when I was at home about his age.
Here was the plan, you wait until he wants something from you and then you say, "I will do that when you ____ and then pick one of the three things and fill in the blank."
Don't raise your voice, don't argue, don't fuss. Stay calm and just repeat I will do that when you do this. Stand by your guns and don't back down, but do it in love and be calm, but strong.
By the time we finished talking she looked a bit mischievous. I think instead of dreading talking with her son, she was looking forward to it.
I saw her a week later and she started off with her son and not the problems she had originally come to see me over.
I want you to know, I picked him up from school the day we last met and on the way home he said, I want to stay overnight at my friend's house. I want you to take me there now.
I waited and didn't say a word. I didn't get into a argument, I just waited until I had it settled in my mind what I would do and how I would do it.
He said mom did you hear me?
I just calmly said yes, let's go home and when you do your homework I will take you right over there.
I expected a fight, but he was quiet.
I don't think he knew what to say. I had never responded like that.
We went home, about an hour later he said, Mom, I finished my homework. I thought I would faint. I said great, get your things together and we can go to your friend's house.
She said, it went that way all week long. He did fuss a few times, but I didn't join him, I just calmly said, when you do this, I will do that. You decide if it is worth it.
Now you can't raise a child in one afternoon and there will be problems. I promise there will be problems, but with love, a commitment and a plan, you can raise children and still keep your hair.
And if you want them to grow up and be financially independent, then require them to have a job and work in their teenage years. That one thing appears in my experience to be the main factor in whether children grow up, have a career, a home, a productive life and be happy with some healthy self esteem. If you give them everything as you raise them, without any contribution from them, then they will grow up feeling entitled and you will have robbed them of self respect, independence and happiness.
What greater feeling this side of heaven and Jesus is there than working for something you want and then getting it?
Don't rob your children of that.
Be blest
Scott Hogue CChH

I would have to say the most dangerous belief, the most harmful idea when it comes to changing your life is, "I will do this until ______."

Real change is not something you do until you lose that extra 15 pounds. Change is not deciding to take one night class to improve your education. Change is not being nice and giving your spouse attention until you get past the rough spot in your relationship.

I don't know how many people I have worked with that lost the 15 pounds, the 25 pounds even the 105 pounds and then gained it back and more. They all had "I will do this until" thinking. When they came to me they still had "I will do this until thinking."

I have asked people that are struggling in their career if they had ever done anything before that helped and several said, "Yes, I went back to school, or I took some extra classes, I read this book, I had a mentor..."

So that helped, "oh yes!" Then why did you stop?

I have worked with people that had their relationship on the rocks. I asked them, have you ever had trouble before and it got better? Almost always the answer is "Yes, there was a time we hit a rough patch and we worked our way through it."

So why did you stop working?

Real change is a lifestyle. Real change isn't just a six week program or one class you take or bringing home flowers once or reading one book to improve your life in a year. We call all of those things a start.

You must start, but a start isn't a finish.

You must create a lifestyle that supports the changes in your life you desire. You have to realize and accept the reward is worth some constant effort, worth changing how you live and look at things permanently.

Your goal can't be when I accomplish this, weight loss, relationship goal, this career change, get out of this financial problem that I can reward myself by going back to living the way that got me into this problem.

You have to realize the way you were living is the problem. You can't separate cause from effect.

The good news is this, small, simple, permanent changes will over time make a dramatically different life. To lose 15 pounds in six weeks it takes some pretty big changes, but to lose 15 pounds in six months isn't hard and those changes are changes that you can live with the rest of your life.

More good news is that changes become habits and changes become normal in time. What is an effort now will be second nature in 60 days if you consistently do it every day.

Don't suffer all your life with "I will do this until ____" thinking.

Look at what you want in life, then start making small permanent changes to create a lifestyle that will bring you the life you desire and keep it there to stay.

Be blest,
​Scott Hogue CChH

​You gain wealth by changing the world. Why would anyone pay you for not changing things?

Decide how you will change the world, who you will help and get busy going about it.

Steve Jobs came up with the ipod. Put your music library in your pocket and listen wherever you are. It changed the possibilities.

Henry Ford made the automobile practical. Travel without a horse in ways you can't travel with a horse. It changed transportation.

Ray Kroc mass produced McDonald's and fast food. It changed how we ate.

Diane Hendricks is one of the richest people in the United States. She did it through roofing. She changed how roofing materials are distributed.

Change the world. Dream big. What you use to change the world can be as simple as a hamburger or a roofing shingle, but you have to dream big and be a positive change in a lot of lives.

​Be blest,
Scott Hogue CChH

​Want to live longer with better health? There is this substance identified after years of research that has more information and actual proof behind it extending life and health than any other supplement studied.

It is found in exotic places, it is consumed by people in the "blue zones" where people often live to be over 100, research scientists have used it in combination with exercise, weight control and carb reduction to actually cure diabetes. It helps normalize weight, reduce hunger, reduce high blood pressure and heart disease, reduce the oxygen stress that is one of the causes of aging, even reduce the occurrence of dementia, even Alzheimer's and before I forget, cancer.

I would be glad to sell it to you. I managed to get some of this miracle compound. Come over to the house and I will sell it for only $100 a cup and since it expands with water before you use it, then that probably makes it only $33 a cup as consumed.

You might want to know what it is. I could make up some fancy name and you just might buy a cup, but I would have to sell it to you in a container where you couldn't see it. Why? You would know it as soon as you saw it. You see, it is beans!

Yep. Black beans, pinto beans, just about any bean. Soak them overnight or cook in a pressure cooker to get rid of the chemicals that keep them from sprouting, they aren't healthy for us. Then just cook and eat a serving every day.

Want to quadruple the effect? Eat them with broccoli prepared with garlic.
I will sell you that for just $300 a frozen bag and throw in the garlic for free!

Sounds silly, but people pay more than that for medicines that at best manage symptoms and don't treat or cure their disease and these medicines often have terrible side effects.
When you first start eating beans and broccoli, they might make your tummy rumble until you get used to them, but they won't make your hair fall out or you go blind like some prescription drugs.

I just might start the B and B store. Beans and Broccoli, would you like some naturally sweet green tea with that?

Be blest,
​Scott Hogue CChH

Whose life are you living? Is it your girlfriend's or boyfriend's? Is it your boss' life? Is it your parents life? Is it a life society and circumstance have forced on you?

If you aren't living your life, they why on earth aren't you?

Fear and Trace

Those are the two most popular reasons. Fear makes us limit ourselves, try to keep ourselves safe, but what is safe about wasting your life?

Trance, we often live not in our world, we live in our TRANCE.
What is possible? We don't know if we live in a trance and not the whole wide world.

Wake up and if you are going to be afraid, then fear wasting your life and not living.

If what you are doing isn't bringing you what you want then you have to change things and things don't change until you do.

Take three days  and figure out what you want and who you are. If three days isn't enough, take three weeks and if that isn't long enough, take three months, but you must do this or waste your life.

You are getting what you are getting because you are doing what your are doing or not doing.

Change your actions and you change not only your life, you change the world.

Nothing changes....until something changes.

Change begins with you.

be blest,
​Scott Hogue CChH

We are a society of headline readers.
People read a few headlines and they have an opinion.
They haven't even read the article and they have an opinion.
Most of the time, their opinion isn't even their opinion, it is someone else's opinion or even worse, the opinion someone wants you to have and it isn't even their opinion, they have an agenda and they advance it by forcing an opinion on you.

Be better than that. Be a bigger person than that. Don't be a shallow person, go deeper.

Ask questions. What if what I am reading isn't true? What if what I believe isn't true? Where can I get the opposite view?

Get your own opinion and you will get your own life.
be blest,
​Scott Hogue CChH